A Halal credit card?

The North American Credit Card industry has hit a new low...

As North Americans violently choke on high credit card interest rates and collection calls, a Canadian company called UM Financial is getting ready to launch a "Halal Approved" credit card to Canadian Muslims.

The card is considered Halal Approved because consumers are not charged any interest; therefore, it does not violate any religious usury laws.

In fact, the iFreedom Plus MasterCard won't charge a monthly fee or any transaction fees for that matter, and it will even provide flight discounts with Etihad Airways. This makes me wonder how this company intends to make any money at all, but I assume that like any good credit card company they have enough fine print to safely rip these people off while making them feel great about it :).

Allah would be proud.

Pastor Deya healed my rotten PEN-is,,..

In this video a formerly suicidal strip club owner with a rotten "PEN-is" full of rashi? claims to have been healed by pastor Gilbert Deya's prayers. The man claims his penis shriveled up and died due to rotten testicles and witchcraft, and that he couldn't have sex with his wife for 2 years.

Now, many prayers later, the restored stud laughs like a creep at every turn and assures us all that he is now very potent.



I find it curious that the pastor asks, "what is striptease?".....bitch, please!

Pastor raises the dead but the dead rob his ass...

Great news! Remember your beloved cat Jonesy and your dear aunt Edna? Well Pastor Randy Demain from the Kingdom Revelation Ministries can defy the laws of nature and raise them from the dead no matter how stiff they are. He did it in Africa eventhough the lady he raised robbed his ass and jumped out the window. Video opens in another window

Mutant pregnant women and other bogus analogies...

Analogies are great but attempting to knit 10 different concepts together can get a little tricky sometimes.

Here Paula White compares bible quotes to pregnant women to shape shifters to dwindling numbers of employees to life changes to parasitic babies to god's plan to the devil's lying ways to having hope for the future to bethlehem with boas? to new beginnings to righteousness and beyond.......

Jesus is on Youtube...

That's right.

Jesus Christs has signed up for a Youtube account and has even posted a few videos. Sadly, he moderates all comments and is not open to discussion at all. Who knew Jesus' ego was so fragile?

Anyway, Jesus III, as he calls himself, also runs a creepy website where in a monotone voice he talks about the end of the world and charges $10 plus shipping and handling for forgiveness and wisdom CDs. According to his website, he'll soon be accepting Paypal and checks; after all, Jesus needs the money to play the slots in heaven...



Did you have a reaction? You may be one of the 144000.....or you may be asleep...

Jesus on why he waited so damn long to come forward:

Jan Crouch & her hair fly to South Africa...

The beautiful flower that is Jan Crouch has traveled to South Africa with her Smile of a Child organization to distribute toys among the poor children of South Africa. Her hair looks spectacular and the shoulder pads in her black lace dress are very elegant:



We love you Jan!

Pope Benedict XVI plans to record snazzy album....

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Pope Benedict XVI will be begin recording an album of songs and prayers dedicated to the virgin Mary. The album will be called 'Alma Mater' and is set to be released on November 30, 2009 by Geffen Records, the same music label that currently works with Snoop Dog and Ashlee Simpson.


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According to Colin Barlow, president of Geffen Records, "The Pope has got almost a lullaby tone to the way he sings."

7 year old boy takes off in dad's car to avoid going to church...

A 7 year old boy in Utah led police on a crazy car chase after someone reported "a child driving recklessly."

After several minutes of 45 mile per hour driving and stop sign running, the tiny driver pulled into a driveway, ran into the house, and was glad to have escaped the soul crushing torture chamber known as church. No citations were issued because the reckless driver is basically a 50 pound fetus.

Original story: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32206463/ns/us_news-weird_news/?gt1=43001

Jesus in a cabinet door again!

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Erica Conner from Wichita Falls, Texas believes Jesus is living in her kitchen cabinet door.

After sitting through an inspirational presentation related to the book "90 Minutes in Heaven," Conner came home and immediately noticed Jesus in her cabinet door. Things took a dramatic turn later on that day when she noticed that cabinet Jesus was shedding a tear. "It makes sense that he's crying. We live in a broken world," said Conner. Read More

This is not the first time Jesus has appeared on a cabinet door. In August 2007, a Connecticut couple noticed a foggy image of christ (or chewbacca) on one of their kitchen cabinets:


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and in July 2008, a woman in Tennessee snapped a photo in her kitchen after her brother's funeral and was shocked to see Jesus himself (or a creepy blob) in her kitchen cabinet:


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Why can't Jesus just get a job and stop sitting around on kitchen cabinets?


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What ever happened to Puerto Rican Jesus?

Back in 2007, a greasy man claiming to be the incarnation of Jesus Christ made his public debut.


Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda received media attention from around the world and even CNN stopped to interview him, finding out that modern day Jesus was an ex-heroin addict, a professional thief, and a proud wearer of a 666 tattoo. In fact, many of his followers were running to the nearest tattoo parlor to get the 666 symbol tattooed on their bodies to show their dedication to Puerto Rican Jesus...

PR Jesus was against the church and regularly protested and interrupted church services by smashing religious idols with his smile...He also had a thing for Rolex watches, Lexus cars, and hot women....He planned to rule the world....



Fast forward to 2009--we have a new president, a crappy economy, and PR Jesus has just lost a heated divorce settlement case against his second wife, who he calls a “gold-digging lesbian.” The case was riddled with tension and incoherent ramblings about 'uncircumsicion'... For more about the divorce settlement case, click here (opens in new window)


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Top 5 "Jesus is in my food" events:

5. Jesus in a Kit Kat Bar:


Read more about Kit Kat Jesus

4. Jesus Toast:


Read more about Jesus Toast


3. Fish Stick Jesus:


Read more about Fish Stick Jesus


2. Tortilla Jesus (This one had a shrine and everything):


Read more about Tortilla Jesus


1. Cheesus:




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Kenneth Copeland channeling James Brown...

Yet another emotional outburst caught on tape!

In this video, Kenneth Copeland describes the time he saw god get sucked up by a vacuum:



"There ain't no more cord between us now......He went inside there to live!"

Large man sings inspirational song in baby voice...

What do you get when you combine multiple personality syndrome with church music?

The following strange performance:

Ted Haggard then and now...

A few days ago, Oprah interviewed disgraced televangelist Ted Haggard about his meth infused, gay sex scandal and I couldn't help thinking about the things he said in the Jesus Camp Documentary condemning homosexuality.

Here's a short clip:



It tickles me to think that the whole time, he was buying meth from his male prostitute lover and getting it on in seedy motels...

Here's part of the Oprah interview:



This is why you should pay your hoes well!



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Behold the Tissue Goddess....

When I say I've watched a lot of late night religious TV, I mean I've watched A LOT of religious programming.... but somehow, I managed to miss this pearl:


Image from 'Scary Televangelist Hair'. Click on image to visit site.

Her name is Jan Crouch and along with her husband Paul, she owns one of the biggest religious TV networks: TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network). She has the biggest hair of anybody I've ever known and she's always squeezing the hell out of the innocent little tissues that happen to be on her god table during one of her "prayers" and you know what, I absolutely adore her!

CLICK HERE to visit the always interesting 'Scary Televangelist Hair' site and to learn more about La Senorita Jan Crouch...


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Physics, basic commands and air tickling...

In these clips, Robert Tilton dispenses important information about how to have "Success N Life"

Why it had to be an 'N' and not a simple 'in' since it's only 1 extra letter, I'm sure I don't know...

Testing Physics:



Basic Commands:



Air Tickling:



Go forth & Prosper!

Got Baby Sins?

Let this pastor stomp on your baby sins and get rid of them once and for all so they stop eating all your food and smoking all your stogies...

Televangelist Gimmicks & Free Offers Remix

I've combed the internet for televangelist gimmick videos and I've put together a few clips for your viewing pleasure. Now, a Rastafarian might say that the methods these televangelists use to get into your wallet are pure "TacTricks" and that they should be condemned to the fire or "Fi-yaaaa!!"

This is true.

These miracle healers are pushing everything from crackers to oil to water and one pastor even has a....well, you'll see.




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Becoming Un-Gay is easy...

As I curiously opened an email with "Increase your lovestick" in the subject line, eyes up towards the ceiling, I wondered what kind of spam Televangelist Pat Robertson gets every day. I then wondered if I would be able to dig up some snazzy Pat Robertson clips. After 2 seconds of fast finger work, I came across a "Becoming an ex-gay" type of video created by the 700 Club.



Within the first 30 seconds Pat breaks it down: there was a militant lesbian who found jesus and stunned the gay community when she became Un-gay. She then resumed her post as magazine editor of a magazine named after a friend who had been allegedly murdered by her gay lover.


In the video, Charlene Cothran (a.k.a the militant lesbian) says that one day during a gay pride event, a sense of shame came over her; I tend to think it was caused by the hideous red and black flannel shirts she was wearing at the time. If I left the house wearing that, I would definitely be ashamed, unless of of course, I was off to chop down a tree in the mountains...but getting back to the video, Ms. Cothran, who is now living a life of celibacy, is dedicated to pulling people out of what she calls "the gay life" and insists that being Un-gay is better than any good music in a club or any gay pride parade.

Pat Robertson, who apparently views homosexuals as a group of people who have thrown their hands up and continue to sin just for the hell of it, believes that god loves all gays even though they will always have a gray ziggy cloud of confusion and turmoil hanging over them.

Most dissapointing is the lack of trannies prancing around dressed like ballerinas in the stock footage.

For a GLBT perspective on this story, visit: http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/2007/06/charlene_from_g.html



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Will this clip be used as evidence some day?

If I were this guy's mother in law, I would be worried about getting rubbed out...He seems a little too soft spoken and maniacal if you ask me: